almost a year

It's coming up on a year since we lost a dear, dear friend/uncle. Corey left us what seems like forever ago, yet just yesterday. Even though it's been almost a year, I still feel like he's gonna show up at our house and scoop the kids up and give them great big hugs. I still feel like he's gonna call and it will all have just been a terrible nightmare, or misunderstanding. Something. But, I doubt that will happen. It looks like we're just going to have to keep going on missing him. Thinking about him past tense. We'll be talking about him, and it's weird, it will just hit me all over again, that wow, he's not here. Really, seriously, not here. And not coming back. And it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because I loved him dearly. It breaks my heart even more, because I see how much it pains Keith to have lost his best friend. That isn't a pain that will leave him anytime soon, or probably ever. It hurts me because Tiernan absolutely adored Corey. He looked up to him. He was his best buddy. And Tiernan is heartbroken over having lost him. It hurts knowing Belle and Jack will only have very faded memories of him. As they get older, they will most likely remember him less and less. Jack was not even 2 year when we lost Corey. We talk about him, and I show him pictures, and he points him out, and that makes me feel better. But oh how I wish Isabelle and Jack could know Corey the way Tiernan knew him. Or maybe I'm thankful that they weren't old enough to understand how much it hurts to lose someone we love. I saw Tiernan struggle for the longest time. He, unfortunately, was not too young to experience the pain of losing Corey.

One day I hope he will be able to show the Loflins the book that he wrote in memory of Corey shortly after his passing. He wrote it to show Corey's mom, to show her how much he loved Corey. We haven't yet, because I just cannot even begin to imagine her life without Corey. Being a mother myself, I don't even want to try to imagine how difficult this year has been for her.

But I am thankful that we did have Corey in our lives while we did.

This year has felt like an eternity, yet it feels like just yesterday. It's still a little numb.