thoughts of an ADD mother, too early in the morning

So this morning, rather early, I was sitting there, really standing, thinking, first off, wow, this tank top really smells funky. You know that sour smell when you leaves clothes in the washing machine too long before moving them to the dryer? The smell that only washing the whole load all over again, sometimes twice, can remove? Yeah, that smell. But that's not really what I was thinking about. It was, but not ya know, why I wanted to jump on my blog. Pretty sure I didn't have this urge to share with "all my followers" that my shirt stinks...

I WAS THINKING....I sure do start a lot of stuff that I never, ever finish. My blog, for instance, is a perfect example. Looking back, I have entries about how I'm gonna start blogging. Right. That lasted a long time. I'm just not a blogger. I'm more of a, this is the funny thing Isabelle said today, kinda mom.

Then I remembered my about my whole P90x thing last year. That actually lasted much longer than I thought I could do. Wish I had gone longer. I could have amazing arms like the mom on Modern Family. Wow...I really want her arms. I'll take the entire body, but if I could just have her arms, I'd take it. Them.

Then I thought, I think I'm gonna get on my blog and blog about my ADDness. But maybe I'll just start a brand new blog, so I...no, no wait. This is your problem, Sarah. Finish....what...you....start. So...here I am. writing on my same old, jumbled up, ridiculous blog. And I realize one or two or a few things....I'm seriously, terribly bad about commitment. Not that I flake when I promise you I'm gonna do something. I do my best to follow through on stuff. I have zero desire to let you down, and I rarely let someone down, at least I hope. But I have been known to say I'm going to do something, then freak out thinking, omg, I can't do that, and just...don't do it. How sad. I don't like that. But I can assure you that in no way is it because I think I'm too good to help you or I'm better than you or I"m selfish like that. I just, I'm working on it.

But there are some things that I haven't flaked out on, and I must say, I'm very impressed. For one, almost 9 years (ugh, yes, nine next month) later, I'm still a loving, devoted, fabulous :-), caring, very proud, sometimes easily frustrated, but couldn't love my kids any more, mama. I'm far from perfect, and every single day I go to bed thinking, "I could have done that better." or "I need to learn to braid hair, cuz moms of girls are supposed to sit and braid their daughters' hair" and things like that. But I also realize that I've never in my life had more joy than when I had kids. They make my life absolutely fabulous. I wouldn't want a life without those 3 rascals. Seriously. I think they're pretty amazing. I'm pretty impressed that I've stuck around for 9 years, and have absolutely zero desire to not be their mama.

And for like 20 or 5 years, not sure, I've stuck with Keith...or really, honestly, he's stuck with me. Because no matter how many times I've threatened it, we all know Sarah cannot make it on her own. I hate admitting that, ugh, I do kinda need him. I'm bad at following through on things, terrible, and he doesn't always remind me of this, which is really nice of him. He just knows he'll have to remind me. And he'll get bitched at for reminding me, but he still does it! I'm terrible at decorating, and he's like a gay man (this is not intended to be a negative gay man comment. I know some fabulous gay men. Some who cannot decorate to save their lives, so yes, this is a rather stereotypical comments!!) when it comes to that stuff. So our house looks amazing, all thanks to him.

I'm also awful at cleaning. Has to do with that whole following through thing. I start cleaning, then get distracted....very easily. So, I stop. And then never go back till I'm super frustrated that the house is still dirty and why is it I can't clean like him?! ugh...*stomp feet, pout, ect..* He cleans the house, perfectly, every day. And 2 out of 7 days doesn't rub it in my face that he's a neat freak and I am far from in!

I'm not a miserable wife, plotting her escape (at least not every day!). I'm actually, mostly pretty satisfied with my life as a wife and mom. I'm pretty sure, like 99.9% that I'm not going anywhere. Ok, actually, I'm pretty positive I have no desire to be anything else. I am a mommy. And I know moms who will say, "Don't let being a mom be your identity..." and all that crap. Please. I am a mom. Doesn't mean I have to act like a mama when I go out or when I'm at work, even though I kinda do. But seeing as they are my life, and I'm not dealing with multiple personalities, they pretty much are who I am. And I'm fine with that...and before I just get up and forget to save this or post this, I better just go ahead and post this.....